Sometimes the best thing you can offer is your presence

It’s hard not to take things personally. It’s even harder to not wonder if you did something to make your loved one feel down in the dumps. When you’re depressed, you feel this complete and utter inability to be yourself, and it makes it ten times harder when you’re around loved ones; i.e. people who know you inside out.


Being with strangers can sometimes be easier for your partner: they get to put on a show. They get to pretend that they aren’t depressed for a short span of time. It might really hurt you to see this, and you would sometimes wonder if it’s just you causing the depression. But it’s not. If your loved one is acting depressed around you, in a strange way-it’s a good sign. It means that they love and trust you enough to share this with you. Sometimes they try to hide it- sometimes they’ll push you away. The only thing to do is just be there.


Supporting your partner through a hard time is always going to be stressful. There’s no getting around that. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it, but it can be a danger to your own well-being. You can’t help your partner if you’re too overwhelmed to function. It’s romantic to think we’ll “do whatever it takes” to help the people we love, but that mindset can bring your own mental health crashing down around you. When you’re helping your partner, be sure to give yourself some clear boundaries on what you can and cannot offer. There might be times when your partner will not share his/her problems with you due to some reasons. This might bother you, but you need to be patient in such cases. No matter what are the circumstances, always try to be an invisible support.

You can cook his/her favorite meal, plan a get together with close friends, give a tight hug and a kiss, anything which you feel will lift his/her spirits. And when you feel that the time is right, ask if he/she wants to talk about the problem. But, do not pressurize them and just let them know that you care for them, and they can always count on you. None of us like to be considered as a weak person, especially by someone whom we love the most. So, just express your emotions to your better half, and let him/her deal with the situation in their way.



Harkamal Kaur

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